I got stood up.
For an interview.
And the funny part is, I didn’t even want the job. This woman calls me up, randomly, and I am not kidding when I tell you it took three tries before I could even get her to adequately describe what she does. I had not applied for the job for which she wanted to interview me; she had seen my resume’ floating around the interwebz and cold-called me. I’m open to that – you never know. But once I could get her to tell me something that made sense, it became clearer that this jobshewas calling “marketing and account management” was, in point of fact, supplemental insurance sales.
And there is nothing wrong with selling insurance. My grandfather, may he rest, sold insurance. People need insurance. But I’m not good at sales and I’m not interested the insurance industry.
I got the impression that she was just looking for a warm body to do the job. She said she wanted to spend 30 minutes talking with me and going over the compensation package. If they want to go over that in the first 30 minutes of meeting you, they’re going to offer you the job with only the slight chance of withholding if you’ve got several facial piercings. Plus, she didn’t want to talk to me about anything in detail on the phone. Which tells me she just needs to get me in the door.
Or her phones are bugged.
Or she thinks her phones are bugged.
But I figure an interview is an interview, and you never know who will pass your name on to someone else. She was located not far from my old neighborhood, and I was due up there for a 3pm haircut and a 6pm dinner/comedy club outing the next day, so I figured I’d squeeze her 30-minute pitch in at 5pm. She told me she would email me with the exact address of her office.
I didn’t get the email by the end of the day, but I assumed I’d hear from her the next day – the day of the interview. When my morning email check did not yield that message, I called her office. Her recording explained she was in a brief meeting. I left a voicemail and asked that she call or email me with the office’s address. By 2:30pm, nothing. So I set out for the haircut with a change of clothes so that I could change into the interview clothes after the haircut, then change back into the dinner/club clothes after the interview. Change of shoes, change of jewelry, the whole nine yards.
4:30pm, my hair is cut and styled. The interview is in 30 minutes. And I have still not heard from this woman.
I go to Target to kill time.
A hundred dollars later, still no word from this woman, and I decide it isn’t happening. At least, not today. Clearly she had either not gotten or ignored my message, or she was in the hospital in traction with terrible injuries due to a car accident on the way back from her meeting. At 5:30, I call and leave another message, politely and professionally expressing confusion and the old “perhaps I was mistaken – I understood we were meeting today at 5? If it’s my fault I certainly apologize.”
I go to dinner, I go to the comedy club, it’s open mic night, some of the comedians are less funny than a dead guy farting (wait – that actually would be a little funny – change that to a dead guy not even farting), but in general we all have a good time.
Fast-forward two business days and a weekend in-between: on Monday I got a call from her. She left a voicemail saying, “Can you just give me a call back so I can explain?” And then she gave me her phone number again.
You called me out of nowhere and it took three tries before you could tell me what you do. I asked repeatedly for the name of your office or company and got no answer the first few times until you finally said you were independent. Yet you kept using the word “we.” I Googled – you’re legit, but there’s still no locatable office listing. You neglect to send me the agreed-upon email, you ignore phone calls, you completely miss and ignore an appointment for which you don’t even attempt to make proper amends for days… and your voicemail lacks the courtesy of so much as an apology?
I’m sorry. I know there are so many people looking for work that employers can afford to be ignorant ass-hats, but if you can’t show basic professionalism and respect, I’m not interested. Again.
Also? You owe me $107 for the time-killing trip to Target.