Plastic Surgery. Who Thought This Was A Good Idea?

I caught Barry Manilow on Piers Morgan last night.

At least, I think it was Barry Manilow. Either him, or Howdy Doody has learned to play piano.

It's Howdy Doody Time!


Barry? Is that you?


Barry Manilow may write the songs that make the whole world sing, but he’s had surgical procedures that make the young girls cry. I didn’t have the volume up; I’m not sure if that made the show more or less frightening. At one point, he got excited about something and opened his eyes really wide, and my heart stopped.



Oh, Barry. What happened? You now represent a cadre of men who have decided that it’s a good idea to go under the knife. Why have none of you recognized that men never look good after they have plastic surgery? Most women look a little odd, though some can pull it off if it’s understated and they’ve already got good genes. Men just look terrifying.

There’s poor Smokey Robinson, who can’t blink anymore…


Just like Pagliacci did, he tries to keep his sadness hid.


There’s Mickey Rourke, who can only play fighters now because he looks like he got hit in the face…

Oh, Mickey. Not so fine.

There was Michael Jackson… need I say more?

"I only had my eyes and my chin done."

Kenny Rogers had to have been the worst call – the guy was so ruggedly perfect looking for his gig, and then he got bad advice from his friend Dolly Parton…

Know when to walk away... know when to run.

So why, Barry? Why didn’t you look at these guys, almost all from your generation, and say, “Um… nah.”?

You know what I find really kind of hilarious about it? He’s never had his nose done. I did actually hear a clip from the Piers Morgan interview and he was talking about how he would never even consider having his nose done.


The nose? No.



(Of course, when I heard that, I immediately started singing the bastardized version of “Copacabana:”
Got a nose shaped
Like a banana
My nostrils both live in Montana
Got a nose shaped
Like a banaaaaanaaa–
Off my  nose, you can see half of the city of Atlanta…)

Look. I know it’s tempting. You’re adored by millions, you want to hang on to that youthful appearance that made you beloved… you’re stupid rich… and you think you can buy a fountain of youth. But you come out – always – looking like someone took a floor waxer to your face.


I don’t want to get old. I don’t want to look old. I’m already in the mirror every night and every morning with the anti-aging creams and cleansers. And you know, there are some plastic surgeries that maybe I would endorse… like a little lipo here and there. But can’t we all agree that no one looks normal after they have their eyes done?

You can't fix Crazy.

The only guy I can think of who’s had work done and manages to still look semi-normal is Paul McCartney.

"Who, me?" Not bad, Sir Paul. But could have let it be.

Then again, Paul McCartney may have been killed in a car accident in 1966 and that could be that chap William Campbell on his third round of plastics. In which case, I say well done, Doc.

I personally like a man with a little age to him. Women always say it: we look haggard as we get older, and most men develop faces of distinguished experience. I find it sexy. If I have to pick between Rob Lowe and the showing-his-years George Clooney, I’m going Clooney every time. (I’m aware that this is not really a terrible choice.) Rugged and weathered beats pretty and preserved every time. Don’t mess with what God gave you. You will not win. I’d rather see some laugh lines, some crow’s feet, some furrowed brow. Close up, that tells me your story so much better.

Because, Barry, the thing about lines is, you can’t smile without them.


27 thoughts on “Plastic Surgery. Who Thought This Was A Good Idea?

  1. So true!!!!!!!! What is going on? Shane Warne (Australian cricketer) is the latest victim.What’s with this waxy face? Even Inspector Barnaby on Midsummer murders!How do you talk to someone like this without staring? Creepy!!!! Great post! haha!

    • I was wondering about Piers Morgan and how he was sitting there talking to Barry. At some points he was standing next to the piano and singing along. That was creepy, too. Thanks for the visit!

  2. That is really a funny comparison between Howdy and Barry. I think Howdy looks a lot less fake.

    I don’t understand with the money that celebs have why they aren’t having procedures that look right. Subtle differences but not being turned into alien looking creatures. I too, am thinking a little tweaking might not hurt but if I came out looking like Marlo Thomas or Dolly Parton someone would get sued.

  3. I saw bits of that show and I kept laughing right out loud. I’ll keep my wrinkles and lines – I either look deep in thought or mad as hell. Either way, people leave me alone!!! Works for me.

    • Well let’s not get crazy. I’m fighting. But not with scalpels. I think the difference between Michael Jackson and everyone else in that bunch is that MJ was probably more than a little “off,” whereas the rest of them just didn’t want to look old.

  4. Creepy is right. I’m with Cheryl – with all their money, you’d think these celebs could get a good outcome. Does anybody look better afterwards? Or is the lesson to be learned that we shouldn’t mess with nature?

    • My feeling is, don’t mess with it. Or at least, don’t mess with it much. And at least have the good sense to be horrified about your appearance afterward. How Barry didn’t start each segment of the show with “We need to acknowledge the problem with plastic surgery; I’m launching a public awareness campaign…” I don’t know.

  5. i know how the world works and how it worships youth, but barry, i can not forgive you for taking away the big beauitful smile that you used to have. i can’t smile without it.

  6. Men look amazing as they age! (And women do too!) Why can’t we embrace this? Has our youth-obsessed culture gone mad? (Yes!) Paul McC does look great; his work seems subtle. In Mr. O’Rourke’s defense; didn’t he have some weird facial injury from years of “fighting” that deemed the plastic surgery necessary? (Or is that me just being gullible and believing all the press-releases I find?)

    • Mickey Rourke did break his nose boxing; I figure if you’re going to be a boxer, you’re okay with your face getting mashed up. I dunno. But I do think there’s a kind of psychosis to that much plastic surgery; Owen Wilson’s nose is all jacked up and he’s left it alone. 🙂

  7. I was watching Inspector Barnaby on Midsomer Murders. I’ve watched it from Series 1, Episode one and I think he must have had the first facelift somewhere around Season 11! Even my husband noticed that his face is very shiny and tight!

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