20 Non-Nauseating Things For Which I’m Truly Thankful

…Almost everything I’m wearing is clean.

…I have a hair appointment for next week, because that shit is desperately needed.

…It turns out I really did pay my final month’s rent and the law enforcement people need not pester me with summonses after all because that was a total overreaction, people, and also you can’t evict me from a place I don’t live in anymore. Get it together.

…I have three absolutely adorable nephews and 2/3 of what will undoubtedly be an absolutely adorable niece.

…My parents are still mostly able-bodied except for my mother’s selective head injury.

…When my boss told me he needed to speak with me and had me follow him into his office, it was only because he wanted me to move desks and not because he wanted me to leave the building immediately and cease drawing pay from the company. Which is sort of what I thought he was going to say, because who makes you come to their office to ask if they can move your desk? WTF, boss? Scared the crap out of me.

…No one else can smell that smell coming from my shoes. I don’t think.

…I have never felt the need to shop on Black Friday.

…I am a week into living in my house and it hasn’t done anything to scare me yet.

…I have not actually engaged in any of the violence about which I have fantasized in the last year (but that intern had better watch out because I mean seriously).

…I am almost 100% confident that there will be no food poisoning this year.

Almost all Most Some of my readers are still regularly reading and commenting.

…No one has found anything kind of weird and unidentifiable in any of my medical tests.

…I still know my name and where I live almost every time someone asks.

…I’ve never seen my own ass on that stock footage they use when they do obesity stories on the news.

…I have opposable thumbs. No, really. We take them for granted but they’re awesome.

…I’m not dating anyone so I don’t have to shave more than once a week.

…I never developed a third eye even though I lived really close to Three Mile Island when it went wonky.

…I’ve only fleetingly thought of turning to prostitution as a way to make a living, and then only when I could be really picky about the Johns.

…Justin Timberlake brought sexy back.

Happy Thanksgiving, my darling readers. What totally sincere thing are you thankful for?


23 thoughts on “20 Non-Nauseating Things For Which I’m Truly Thankful

  1. Happy Thanksgiving. I am thankful that I am capable of being thankful. That I don’t take anything, or anyone for granted.

  2. You crack me up. Even snarky for Thanksgiving but the true gratitude peeking through. Happy Thanksgiving … from one of your not always reading, sometimes not commenting admirers.

  3. Haha! LOVE this post. Also peed my pants a little when I started reading about your private meeting with the boss. Woo. I’m thankful for stretchy pants. I mean it. They don’t judge what I’ve just eaten and let me dance around with no real sense of what size I am. God bless elastic! Happy Thanksgiving, lady!

  4. I’m thankful that I don’t have to even be in the states on black friday – you guys (not you, obviously, you have the common sense to stay home)… some of you guys… are crazy! Black friday sounds terrifying! I’m wishful that I could celebrate both Canadian and American thanksgiving… I’d like a thursday off and turkey, please!

  5. I love your list! After reading on Facebook all the spouses, children, pets, homes, friends, blah blah blah, that everyone is thankful for, it’s nice to have a breath of fresh air!

    I’m thankful I don’t have to shave/pluck/wax my upper lip. Well, except that one little spot on the right side….. but that’s only every now and then!

    I’m thankful that my boyfriend isn’t aware of the hair that grows on my big toes. ewwww, what the hell is THAT about?

    I’m really thankful I have a sense of humor! And thankful for cyber friends like YOU 🙂

    Keep your lists coming, even though Thanksgiving is over.

    • Ugh, I hate that meme. Is that awful? To hate the Thankfulness Challenge? Fortunately one of my friends posted, “Remember, if you’re truly thankful for something, you have to post about it on Facebook. Otherwise you’re just a selfish asshole.” Talk about refreshing!

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