I was grumpy today. I didn’t even realize it until I was at the chiropractor and she was being pushy and I didn’t have the grace to entertain it. I was worried about a sudden $1300 medical bill I didn’t expect, and the fact that my washer won’t spin and the clothes have had to be wrung out by hand before I could put them in the dryer.
Then I got a text from my sister, asking if it was really true that 18 kids had been shot to death in a Connecticut elementary school.
I feel many things, like all of us do, but mostly I feel so tired. Enough now. Enough. I have stopped asking why things like these happen. There is no reason. Reason implies logic, and there is nothing logical to mass murder, regardless of the ages of the victims. There may be explanations, and we may learn more as time goes on. We may come to greater understandings about the gunman’s disturbed motivations. And there may be causes. Contributing factors.
But there is no reason.
My nephews are five. That’s how old a lot of the victims were. I can’t even imagine their parents sitting home tonight with Christmas trees sparkling and gifts hidden for a child who won’t open them. An elf perched on a shelf to make sure she doesn’t misbehave. The beginnings of a college fund somewhere in a bank.
There will be no Christmas in Newtown, Connecticut this year.
What hurts us the most as a society is the innocence of these victims. Too young to have done anything wrong yet. Too small to have harmed a soul. Too sweet, too round-faced, too bright-eyed, too soft.The worst things they’ve done was to kick a sister or color on a wall or break a mother’s heart heading off to school as time requires. No one deserves a day like this. But all of us have things for which we must account when we meet our final judgment. These children had nothing to confess.
Children are the hope of the old, the frightened, the lost, the weary. Children are the hope of nations. The world got dimmer today. The night is not as bright.
The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels.
And there is no reason.