The Crazy

So now I’m pissed at my best guy friend for up and Facebook-friending Jack after YEARS of not giving half a shit about him and frankly disliking him for the way he treats women.

Brad friended Jack. What the fuck. We all worked together once upon a time.. Brad left back in 2007 and literally has not talked to Jack since. And NOW, now that Jack is getting married, now that Jack has done so much to hurt me, now that Jack is somewhere between the love of my life who I lost and the object of my most penetrating hatred… Brad has friended him.

I’m so pissed I’ve tried four ways to contact Brad and tell him he needs to tell me why I shouldn’t be pissed.

Meanwhile, what did I do? Well, I went to Jack’s Facebook page, of course. We’re not friends, but some of what he posts is public. Including the new pictures of him and Gwyneth and the story of how he proposed during a marathon training run and “she gets her wish that I stop calling her my training partner.”

Memo to Gwyneth: he called you that all this time because he was HIDING YOU.

“We couldn’t be happier!” Jack says.

Good for you. Who are you, by the way?

Another memo to Gwyneth: the trail you were running on when he proposed was the one where I took the picture that’s framed in his condo. I gave it to him for Christmas in 2011. That’s my handwriting on the matte. He loved it. Loved it. I’ve never seen him react to anything with as much gratitude and emotion. I bet he never hung it because you would see it and ask about it. But it’s there somewhere. Hang it, please. So you have a reminder of where you fell in love. And where you got engaged. So he has a daily reminder of how he treated the woman who gave it to him.

I have called Joey and messaged Angie telling them I need them to talk me down given Brad’s move. And to once again stop me from sending Jack a really hateful message. Oh, it would feel so good. Here are some drafts:

You are going to ruin her.

OR

I heard you were marrying Gwyneth, eight months after throwing away ten years like it was nothing and telling me you were not capable of sustaining a substantive relationship. Good luck. You’ll both need it.
OR
How long were you sleeping with her and spending nights with me? When you cancelled on me Christmas night, telling me it was something that made you sick from dinner, was that because you were spending the night with her instead? Does she know you spent the next night with me? The night I gave you the framed photo of your running trail?
I kind of wish I could post a comment on his “could not be happier!” FB page that simply says, “Whatever.”
But I know that all makes me the smaller person. I know I’ve actually crossed into the Crazy that I always envied other women for being able to pull off. Brad says Jack contacted him via Facebook last week about tickets to an event and that’s why they became friends. I call bullshit. Defriend him now, then. You don’t even talk. I need to know that my best guy friend, who has been supportive and thoughtful and derisive of Jack, isn’t dividing his loyalties. Like Jack did.
Facebook is so unnecessarily… whatever.
I’m so upset I can’t even find words anymore.
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13 thoughts on “The Crazy

  1. Oh, gack. And grrrr. I call shenanigans on Brad. Though maybe he’s trying to be your mole? Nah, probably not. I totally know the crazy, been there, ridden the train, got the temporary tattoo. And I know it doesn’t help, but you will come down. I promise. Hugs. Jack is such an ass. Why do we fall so hard for asses?

  2. Hi, there, SingleCell.

    I’d just like to say that I’m 20 years old and mesmerized by your “personal life” posts. They read so easily and connect like chapters in a book.

    You should totally write a book. I’m not saying you should necessarily write a book about your life–that would be a book I’d read for sure, though, based on my instant and almost unexplainable attachment to your writing–but I’m sure you could write one hell of a novel.

    Thank you for sharing your stories. I aspire to blog like you…

    Yeah, don’t read my blog. It’s amateur and embarrassing in comparison.

    Oh, and Jack’s a dick, but, oh, how I sympathize with you.

    Much love,
    Kelsey

    • Learn from me, Kelsey. Seriously. I’m 36. Don’t make my mistakes. Believe in your own worth. Know what you deserve and settle for NOTHING less, from ANYONE, even if you love them.

      Also? You sound like my sisters, who went from joking about how I should write a book to saying, “Seriously, where the hell is the book.” Period. Not question mark. Thank YOU for being attached, for your honesty and for your kindness. I WILL read your blog. It seems we are kindred spirits. My best to you.

  3. I call bullshit on Brad too. For the record you do crazy just fine. No external envy necessary. I remember feeling like I was going to lose my mind. But I didn’t, and you won’t either. Your friends may not be able to talk you down. I think it’s too early, but you will come down, eventually. I know you love/loved him, but Jack is a dick. As usual I send you my best cyber hug.

    • Damn. You know what I mean, though, right? I’ve always told Brad that some women can go completely batshit on a guy and somehow it endears them… but I have never been able to do that. I went batshit on Brad and because we’ve been so close for nearly 12 years, he heard me. Didn’t like it and told me never to talk to him like that again, but heard me. And YES – you know the feeling of thinking you’re just going to crack like an egg and never come together again. Thank GOD someone gets that. In the morning, right? when you woke up and thought you couldn’t do it?

      Thank God, my friends – real-life and blog, DID talk me down tonight. I am so blessed. I do love Jack, and have for a long time. If I didn’t, this wouldn’t be nearly so hard. But I am so grateful for your hug. Thank you.

  4. You are not crazy. Jack is. And I like the idea of sending him one of those messages — that wouldn’t make you the smaller person if you do it without making personal digs. It’s a good idea, and would provide closure. I like options 2 (without the “You’ll both need it.”) and 3. Especially 3, as it would be calling him out and letting him know he didn’t fool you, after all. Do it!

  5. Sorry again. I probably have more male friends … and spend time with them in situations where they talk very openly about what they think … than anyone I know. And I can tell you that a fairly large percentage are emotionally stunted, particularly vis a vis what will hurt the women in their lives. I’m not cutting Brad any slack, just suggesting that he’s in that large percentage and that it isn’t really personal. And, of course, Facebook … and internet friendship in general … can just make it worse. You can be emotinally stunted without seeing anothers reaction to what you do. You may … or may not … reacll aventing post I wrote a whilw back titled Apologies. Amends. Consequences. In it, I vented about something idiotic mt son in law did. Anonymously (I didn’t name him). Well, he read it and knew who I meant. Made things worse , it did. Damn.

    • Brad’s “friending” of Jack didn’t have anything to do with me, and Brad takes Facebook connections under much less consideration than I do. None of my Facebook friends are strangers to me, and none of them are people I don’t like (unless they’re family, in which case I have no choice.) I understand those differences in approach, but Brad is generally very considerate. Because I was so upset, I lashed out at him, and that’s what he didn’t like. Our argument via email was about whether it even mattered that they were FB “friends.” I think I managed to convince him that it did, considering everything. He defriended Jack.

      I remember the post you refer to. I’m sorry it escalated tensions for you and your son-in-law (and Amy, I’m sure). I hope things are better now.

  6. Sorry you’re wrestling with this. For what it’s worth (probably not much), I have one of these profound disappointments in my back pocket. I tell you that only to say: life DOES go on, you WILL meet someone who trumps anything you had with Jack. And in the meantime, I think it’s fine to wallow/revel in it – because it will definitely fuel some chapters in that book you’re going to write. It’s not a good story unless it bottoms out before it gets better. Trust me. It just sucks to live it. So pretend you’re watching your life as a movie. (And then you’ll know what cray-cray REALLY looks like!)

    • I hope that’s true – I know it’s certainly true for you. Yay Alan! You win Pithy! I really don’t want to wallow – and what you don’t see in these blog posts recently is how good the rest of my life is, and I’m aware of that. But I have to work may way through this and that’s obviously what these posts reflect.

      How many times do you bottom out, do you think? I think this might be the bottom of bottoms, relationally speaking.

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