What was that thing I used to do sometimes? Blogging?

A month. A whole entire month since I posted.

That, my (remaining) friends, is the longest I have ever gone. Tomorrow marks the third anniversary of my blog, and this is my gift to those of you who have been here almost all that time. Admittedly, it’s not much of a gift, and all you had to do to open it was click on the headline, but if we’re being honest, that’s all you’ve had to do to get anything from me in that three years.

I have thought of you. Oh, I have. I have thought, “I should write a post about that!” or “It’s been forever since I posted… and I feel like I had an idea… that one day…”

Mostly, though? Life. You know. You’ve had it. Not bad. Not amazingly good. Not whisked-away-to-an-awesome-deserted-island. Just living. Trying to stay above water. Trying to write, in one weekend, despite all best efforts at head starts, two 10+ page papers for grad school when it’s been 14 years since you wrote more than a page and a half. And doing it while possibly also having had a martini.

I swear to God, I wrote five paragraphs I didn’t remember writing. And they were good. The martini was merely average, and I so completely forgot I’d written them that I actually made a note to myself to write about the stuff that, it turned out, I had already written about.

I don’t know if that’s alcohol or age.

Also? It occurs to me that the paragraph up there was eerily disrespectful of the Malaysian Airlines situation right now, with its deserted island and above water references. Except if they’re on a deserted island, it’s probably not awesome.

See? I’m still a bad person. That hasn’t changed.

Speaking of that, though, my new fun game is playing Whack-A-Conspiracy-Theorist. My father thinks the plane was stolen for ransom. I’d like to know where he thinks some asshole landed a 777 full of people without anyone noticing, and how he thinks said asshole was gonna get picked up from wherever that was and delivered to his reward.

I personally am pretty sure it was hijacked, the flight crew was overcome or forced to fly a new route, and then the plane ran out of fuel and is now in the water. Nothing that’s real becomes an ABC series that pisses everyone off in its finale. Mini-series, tops.

You’d think I would have stopped being disrespectful when I actually noted that I was being disrespectful. Huh.

In other news: Bill O’Reilly should go away. Did you see this thing with his simmering disappointment about the president going on Zack Galifiniakis’ web show and degrading the presidency? Like nobody’s ever done that before. I mean I’m pretty sure that breaking into an opposite party’s office to steal stuff during a re-election campaign or getting blown in the hallway outside the Oval or being a general moron “decider” aren’t things that do favors to the institution. You know? But here’s Bill-O, Mr. Falafel, flatly stating about the president’s appearance on the web show that “Abe Lincoln would not have done it.” 

Well, no shit. There are a lot of things Old Abe would not have done. He wouldn’t have tweeted, sent an email, flown in a plane, driven a car, ridden in a car, used a telephone, taken penicillin…

You see where I’m going with this.

…wouldn’t have read “Killing Lincoln” by Bill O’Reilly…

…and not just because he would have to be alive to read it…

I’m saying “Abe Lincoln would not have done it” is not valid unless the “it” was done by James Buchanan or Andrew Johnson. And they were both dull, so there’s a lot of wiggle room there, too.

For those who may be wondering, Liam is presently out of the country on business in Madrid. To be followed by a quick layover in Singapore en route to Sydney. By which I mean there is basically nothing that is “en route” to Sydney, but anyway, that’s the itinerary. We’ve had two dates and a third attempt, thwarted by family obligations on both sides. He’s not back for another week and a half, but he may be in touch before then.

Since I’ve been gone, Shiny New Niece turned a year old and Neph 2 informed me essentially that I suck at Super Mario Brothers. Also I beasted “Killing In the Name” on the easy setting of Guitar Hero and am now seriously thinking about joining a band. Both aforementioned papers were finished, if not good, and I await grades. I enrolled in a summer class, a political science elective about public policy. Oh! And I testified in the senate judiciary committee of my state legislature in favor of a bill my state delegate wrote at my behest, asking that offenders who have violated terms of home detention not be granted eligibility for home detention in the future. It seems like a common sense thing, but the bill isn’t going anywhere. It’s not written well. But that’s okay. We keep on.

I am well.

I hope you are, too.

If not, I hope you’re completely nuts and leave an amusing comment.


20 thoughts on “What was that thing I used to do sometimes? Blogging?

  1. Happy anniversary! It must be a third year thing, because I’m coming up on my third too, and I’m totally off my blog stride. But just don’t go away completely! Keep us posted every once in a while, at least. 🙂

  2. Happy anniversary! And come back when you want — no one takes attendance (or if they do, you don’t like them anyway!).

    And you’re right — Abe wouldn’t have read “killing Lincoln”. Imagine he would have wiped with it.

    • I suppose it’s true that no one takes attendance. Every now and then, someone who’s been a long-time reader reaches out on my blog Facebook page to see if I’m alive. And they never get an answer because I never check my blog Facebook page.

      I read the first chapter of “Killing Lincoln.” Or maybe it was “Killing Kennedy.” I remember it was terrible and I couldn’t read any more of it.

  3. Happy anniversary. I’m impressed you came back after a month long hiatus. Inertia would definitely have set in, in my case and I’d probably have disappeared for good. Glad you’re not like me.

    • Thank you! Don’t be impressed. I really have meant to post, but last night was my first chance to start a post and actually finish it. I have started drafts here and there and then lost completely the concept of what I was writing about. And don’t you disappear, either!

    • YAAASSSS. Always with the words. This client needs this written, that client needs that rewritten, the other client doesn’t THINK something needs to be rewritten but wow, it really, really does… And my freelance gig, who disappeared for six weeks without paying me, finally woke up, sent the check and called to ask for another job. I’d better ice my typing fingers!

  4. Happy Anniversary! It doesn’t matter how long a hiatus you take as long as you come back. It’s OK to write a stream of consciousness post because I like to hear what’s going on in that snarky head of yours. I really enjoy your blog. I stumbled on it by accident last year while searching photos and articles about Weird Al’s plastic surgery, having just met him that day. I don’t remember how I ended up here, but I’m glad I did. 🙂

    • I’m glad you enjoy it, because I wanted to write a whole post about the Lincoln thing but couldn’t tease it out, and I wanted to write a whole post about the Malaysian Airlines conspiracies but I didn’t have the energy. So you got a relatively incomplete brain dump.

      And you would be shocked by how many people wind up here because they googled pictures of people’s plastic surgery. That post is, by far, the biggest draw to my blog. Most people don’t follow it after they land. I’m glad you did!

  5. Yup, you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere. So weird about the plastic surgery searches leading to your blog. Very funny.

  6. Whew. Glad you’re alive and well. Was beginning to wonder – although I’ve been in a similar boat. I totally blame school. Work + School = Nuts. Be kind to yourself – and please do post occasionally, even if it’s jibberish.

    • I wondered if you wondered, like you wondered before. But then I remembered you’re in grad school, too, and so you probably totally assumed I was buried under a pile of textbooks and printer paper and 12-point Times New Roman or Arial font. And an APA style refresher guide. And a laptop. And a highlighter. And some wine bottles.

  7. Welcome back. I won’t say I didn’t wonder what had happened to you, but I’ve been pretty busy myself. And I’d far rather read a once-a-month amusing or informative blog than twice-a-week (or daily) drivel.
    I’ve been out of commission myself this past few months – partly out of town, but also totally engrossed in getting a book to press. So I haven’t been blogging much either. Join the occasional bloggers’ club!

  8. Well, I AM completely nuts, but I’m not sure that I can live up to amusing. Sorry. And yeah, that life thing gets us every time, don’t it? Very proud of you for testifying. Sorry it’s not moving very far. But yay for the Liam thing progressing! My hubs has taken that trip to Singapore. It is 2 full days of hell, followed pretty closely by 2 more days of hell in the return trip. No bueno.

    • Oh, thanks Misty! It’s alright – I didn’t expect it to go far. We can keep working on it. I like trying to figure out strategies to get things moving in the right direction. I’m actually thinking about gearing my M.S. toward public policy, so it’s a good lesson!

      As to Liam… yeah. He messaged me that he overslept and missed his checkout time from the hotel in Singapore. “I feel like I’m in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, traveling through time in a phone booth,” he said. I’m fairly sure he’s not going to know his own name when he gets back. IF he gets back.

  9. I’m glad to know you’re still with the living! Good luck on writing papers and such – I don’t think I could do it anymore since I was in college when we rode to class on dinosaurs.

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