Who Puts A Baby In A Pot?

You know how Facebook puts ads on the side of your page, so that one second you mention something you’re interested in (Victoria’s Secret, Brita water filters, college educations) and the next second, there’s an ad for it popping up? They’re starting to really freak me out. And I don’t mean the blatant spying on me. I mean the fact that some of the photos that go with these ads are completely unrelated to the ads themselves. I hope.

There’s the one about how President Obama is giving away free college educations or something, and the picture that goes with it is some sort of flagrant hussy practically removing her top. Stuff like that. But the one I came across today was this:

What are you doing to that kid?! (pic from demeterclarc.com)
Holy crap, they’re boiling a baby! And they’ve dressed it up like a lobster! They’ve stuffed it into a pot! The little darling looks understandably concerned.
Know what this ad was for? No, not a school that teaches you how to cook children to their perfect texture and internal temperature.
Social work.
It was an ad to become a social worker.
And, let’s face it: if you’re putting a kid in a lobster outfit, stuffing the kid into a pot and carrying it around like you’re going to boil it until it stops screaming, and then dip it in drawn butter… you’re probably going to meet a social worker at some point in life.
So maybe the picture is related to the ad… but I’m thinking probably not.
Now, you’ll notice that, in my photo credit, I reference demeterclarc.com. That’s just one of the many, many places I found this pic in a Google image search. That means it’s hard to know where the photo came from, for sure.
I wonder if, somewhere, a social worker is trying to trace it to its origins.
Surely, someone is looking for the parents of this child…

image from sendible.co.uk

…because how can you be allowed to put a kid in a lobster costume, in a pot, on top of the stove?
Doesn’t this teach bad safety lessons? Aren’t parents always trying to get their kids to stay away from things like stoves and ovens and fire and natural gas and combinations of those things?
You know… maybe that ad does work. Because the photo is certainly making me care about the well-being of lobster-babies all over the world.
Incidentally– or related to absolutely nothing I”ve been talking about– my blogging friend over at Older Eyes has bestowed upon me another honor. I promised him I wouldn’t whine about it this time, because I truly am grateful that he’s practically my best-good blogging friend (I’m still trying to come up with a term to combine those words: blend? No… Frogger? No…) I’m now charged with the assignment of awarding the Versatile Blogger Award to 15 bloggers.  And I’m to share seven things about myself.
I don’t know that I can honestly give you 15 solid, versatile bloggers, but I’m going to give you my list:
It’s a short list, but they’re the folks I read regularly who I feel embody what it means to be versatile.
Now, seven things you probably didn’t care to know about me:
1. I’ve moved around a lot, mostly in my childhood, because my father worked for a railroad and got transferred a fair bit. That moving has helped me A) shed a decidedly unattractive accent; and 2) learn how to adjust to changes in life. I wrote my college essay about the second thing. My dad read it and felt totally awful about the whole thing. Poor guy. But it’s also made me realize the value of choosing a hometown for myself, and that’s where I am now.
2. Most of my posts are snarky, but I’m really a total sap. Sometimes the dumbest things make me choke up. Yesterday, it was President Obama’s speech in Dublin, Ireland. What? I’m half Irish.
3.  I once saved my sister’s life by performing the Heimlich Maneuver on her while my other sister ran around the stairs a few times and then poured some milk down the drain, having forgotten to get a cup to pour it into so that the choking sister could take a drink. Both those sisters have children now. I don’t.
4. I have this bizzare dichotomous personality that allows me to over-share in some situations and be intensely private in others. Which is how you end up with this list of things.
5. I harbor a secret (or, apparently, not secret) desire to become a speechwriter for a really inspiring politician. Of course, this will never happen, since there are so few really inspiring politicians. In which case, I’ll settle for writing speeches for fictional President Josiah Bartlet.
6. Nothing makes me happier than spending a day in the kitchen, cooking up yumminess and baking batches of happiness. Well… almost nothing makes me happier than that.
7. I’m fiercely loyal. And that includes loyalty to blogging friends. Flogs? Briends? Ugh. This is going to take a while.
Featured image from blog.myweddingfavors.com. Not that that has anything to do with anything.

You Have To Learn To Pace Yourself…

It’s crunch time. I’m feeling the pressure.

My blogging buddy, Older Eyes, was kind enough to once again give me (undeserved) props in his entry today. One wonders what Older Eyes and I see in each other… no pun intended. He’s got a good sense of humor, for sure, but if you read his stuff and you read my stuff, you’ll immediately see that we are not exactly two peas in a proverbial pod. Aside from the 30+ year age difference and the fact that we live on exact opposite coasts of the country, there are other differences as well. (He’s consciously working the steps; I’m consciously trying to figure out how to turn my empty-bottle wine rack into a full-bottle wine rack. Just for instance.) But what I appreciate about his stuff is that it’s thoughtful, and it’s true to what’s on his mind at the time he writes it. It’s diverse, which is to say it tells the story of a life that’s been complete before (hopefully long before) it’s been completed. It’s as likely to make you smile serenely as it is to make you think. It’s gentle and sometimes rather zen. It reminds me of my better self.

My stuff, on the other hand, fairly smacks you in the face. I’m not a violent person, so if you met me you might find me much more like Older Eyes than you’d think, but apparently my process of self-expression is a tad different.

So today, my buddy Older Eyes tells his entire reading universe of readers about my blog. And I totally appreciate the nod. I really do. It’s so great when other writers find your writing to be promising.

But Bud, I gotta tell ya… I’m a little stressed now.

I love to make people laugh-slash-think, but my last entry was rather short on laughter, since it was about Osama bin Laden. Jeff Dunham’s Achmed the Dead Terrorist: funny. Osama bin Laden: rather not. So I’ve been trying to figure out what to do as a follow-up. Now I’ve got a challenge on my hands.

This must be how President Obama felt after he won the Nobel Peace Prize.

I sat here and sat here, fingertips tapping the keys in no particular order, trying to figure out something witty and sharp to say so Older Eyes’ readers wouldn’t click through from his page to mine and go, “bin Laden? That’s not funny,” and write me off entirely. I came up with the fact that today is Cinco de Mayo and, serendipitously, the avacados I bought at the grocery store last week are nearing the overripe stage and I simply must make the intended guacamole today. Apparently I thought this made my Irish and German ass subconsciously connected to this holiday.

You know what I typed next?

“This entry sucks. El Sucko.”

And I scrapped it.

But in hopes of ressurecting myself and lifting up some other bloggers whose brilliance I adore, I present to you this list of nominees for some unnamed award that they should feel no pressure for having received:

Older Eyes – see above
accidentalstepmom – This is the only mommyblog I read, because it’s hilarious and real and it resonates with me.
Twist365 – Jackie is a blog-a-day’er, as is Bud… and she finds humor and irony in everyday life that I appreciate and draw from.
Seasweetie – Nothing makes me happier than photos of the sea. Except for actually being at the sea.
pegoleg – Straight up funny with a dash of “where does she get this stuff?”
japecake – Dude (I’m assuming it’s a dude) is like 75 times smarter than me. It’s amazing what he comes up with. If Jon Stewart and a genius had a baby, and that baby had a blog, it would be japecake.
DavisW – Snark meets spark.
SoonerBlue2 – Politics and irony. Just like the USA.

Isn’t it nice to know you have places to seek higher blogs if you read mine and it blows?

Thank you, Bud. For real.